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I guess it's because we change, and nothing else changes the same way each one of us do. Or perhaps it's just the way we are made, our brain getting tired of the sameness. Many things end because we let them: lunch with someone we like, because we have to work; a week-end away, in a small and cozy place, for the same reason. We leave people we love and we're not exactly sure why. We refuse eating a second ice-cream cone for fear of getting fat—often, even the first cone—, and we spend our money in needs which we only think we have, instead of spending in things which actually give us pleasure. We just don't let things be."To everything there is an end."My grandmother often said that. I can hear her voice, as if she were here, as I write these words. "No, there's no end to numbers," I argued with her when I first learned that numbers are infinite."Yes, there is. Because you can't live forever to count them all." Would you want to live forever?" Athena asked me once."Only in a world. (So why of all people did Gavin have to go and shag Leanne Nesbit? It wasnt the size of her cerebral cortex that got him so hot under the waistband was it? Shit. Dont think about that. Youll only make yourself bitter girl.) *Rachel?* *Huh?* You havent heard a word shes said. *I said I see you here on the beach every morning. You are always alone.* *Aye well. Im on holiday.* you mumble. *No husband?* Shaking your head: *Ive got a boyfriend but were not getting on too great.* Maria stops and looks at you/ lips curling into a sneer. *Men are no good. You dont need a man Rachel. They are shits. BIG SHITS.* She spits this out with the bitterness of too much experience. *Do you have a husband?* you ask. The question seems somehow comical once the words have left your mouth. You cough/ feeling strangely uncomfortable. Something about the way Maria is staring at you. *** CUT-UP no 32: PRIMITIVE TREES Imagine the scuzz. Pissing mud for dead flecks wriggling. Hard-on canvas ate primitive.
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